Yesterday

We were just kids


Compared to who we are now


Young hearts and old souls


Ill-prepared for what stood ahead


But strong enough to bear through


I didn't know much about you 


But your amber eyes told a familiar story


For a brief moment I knew your name


Your troubles buried deep inside


I watched as your long fingers


Danced upon jaded guitar strings


Your olive skin and chocolate brown hair


Glimmered in the warm southern California sun


Where you are now I do not know


From coast to coast I still remember


The summer before my life began


I was lost out in some blinding place


While you were sinking in the dark


I was like a blank canvas


Searching for all of the right answers


In all of the wrong places


While you followed your path


Leading up to the sky


I stayed here on earth


And if we meet again sometime


I'll look at you and smile


They didn't understand


That you were the real thing babe


You were the real thing.

The Curse of The Dreamers

Knowledge, curiosity, and hope can be a curse. There is no telling how strong the human mind can be, capable of things some people would not even want to try and comprehend. For us, life is like an open window, full of endless possibilities and opportunities we can only hope to grasp half of. We know that we can't have it all, but we certainly want everything. This desire for life, for wisdom, for experience is piercing...it goes deep to the bone. But confined to the ground and the earth, we know that we'll forever stare up at stars we can't touch. Why is it that we only wish upon the intangible? We want the best of the best, an ecstasy like nothing else. This causes us to live in a state of endless dissatisfaction. Happiness is different, it exists, in moments and in feelings. Contentment is settling. Satisfaction is unattainable. So we must learn to live with it, and we understand it and accept it. Being in touch with this gives us the power to grab on to our surroundings, to create memories, to learn things every single day. Sometimes we fail to do this. We are so involved with these compressed emotions, this internal warfare that we forget to take in what the world around us has to show us, to teach us. We must not be so inside our heads all of the time. Taking on the day with open eyes and an open mind can leave room for the unforgettable. This is seamless, this can belong to us. We live moment to moment, and the present is all there will ever be.

(the carelessness of all things meaningful)

perhaps i'm in the middle of when time stops and starts so weak but understanding of those moments we chose to part and if minds could just collide well then i think we'd all be doomed damned inside this fucked up capsule like a body in a tomb so you say it's all a game well i think it's so much more if not then why give a damn what it is we came here for and if you want the unattainable then why even stay here so paralyzed by 'what ifs' that you live in constant fear so you think you've got it figured out as if you're here to stay and if i'm just too much to handle feel free to walk away you don't know me or the things i passed by in those darker days well there was a point in time where i thought i had things right my mind resting upon vivid dreams fading beautifully out of sight and you can try with all your strength to make a difference on this earth even if you're blessed a genius it's just a fucking curse flaunting echoes as empty as that hole inside your chest forgive me for thinking you were better than the rest well me i'm just the same my heart is cold as ice i can't be hurt or touched and i won't make the same mistake twice perhaps i'll just dive into the furthest thing from what is real so long as i can stay this numb and never have to feel

Almost and Never

We're not so different, you and I
Although we hail from separate worlds
We walk on the same solid ground
With feet weighed down by trembling bodies
Fearless passion growing stronger
And don't we gaze at the same sky?
The setting sun and countless stars?
No we're not much different, you and I.

Well you cannot change an elder soul
Or try to tame a wild heart
Nor spin the earth in its reverse
We aren't so distant, you and me
Although we swam in separate seas
The horizon looked the same
Nothing was too far from reach
No we're not so distant, you and me.

So if you wish to stay in your place
This place I simply cannot find
Well that would be alright
Deaf to things that can't be said
Blind to what is out of sight
If dear, you can't escape your head
Then you'll never have to wonder why
We weren't so perfect, you and I.

S.O.S.

I can't walk another step without telling the world a story. My lungs are filled with too much air. My heart is raging with too much blood. My head is filled with too many thoughts, too many visions, too many scenarios that never were. My eyes can't keep filling up with tears if I refuse to let them spill over the edge. I read too many people's thoughts, I feel too many people's heartaches. I can no longer see into the future or revel in the past.

I want to scream into a pillow for hours. I want to cry until I fall asleep. I want to climb a mountain and yell so loud that no one can hear me. I want to write a novel so compelling that it could turn a sinner into a saint. I want to love so deeply that I cannot breathe again. I want to feel all these things building up inside me, choking me to death.

But they stay inside, they torture me, so I exist in a constant state of sensory overload. That is why I'm here, so you can share this with me.

The In-Between

What is it that you want?

What is it that keeps you alive?

What is it that you care about the most?

What is it that keeps you awake at night?

What is it that gives you hope?

What is it that consumes your dreams?

What is it that keeps you sane?

What is it that drives you crazy?

It's the little things. 

The things that escape too quickly. 

And if I had all the answers, I'd be dead by now.

Diary of A Waitress

bankers and lawyers

entrepreneurs and men in finance

all they see is green

green green green

with credit cards

heavier than my breakfast

and weekly bank statements

greater than my yearly wages

all they do is consume

and talk about money 

more money

more more more

i think they live in a different dimension 

in a different world

they see me as as a servant

and not a person 

but that's okay

these men pay my bills

and new york city

has them by the balls

while i am as free as a songbird

Never Again

My restless spine lies on words never spoken
Time wasted with broken clocks
Time that we never had to begin with
Tomorrow comes too quickly
Yesterday seems a lifetime away
Waiting hopelessly
For some break in the clouds
Some whisper in the wind
To tell us we're stumbling in the right direction
Always on the verge of hitting the edge
Where ever that may lie
My identity swept away from beneath me
So I'm lost and now I have everything to learn
Trying to catch up from an eternity of mistakes
Of treachery and deceit so paralyzing
That it is difficult to move again
So tear away these layers of mistrust and doubt
Until I'm stripped down bare
Free of pre-conceived notions and biased opinions
So I can embrace the world around me
And breathe the air that was meant to keep me alive

About A Girl

She held onto each word she spoke about a second later than most people did. As if you weren't captivated enough by her looks alone, she drew you in without contemplation as to why or how. She gracefully walked down the street at a flowing steady pace, passing you by effortlessly with an eighty-five percent success rate of double takes. Her chocolate brown hair cascaded down her thin back, that you caught yourself wishing you were at the other side of, simply to memorize the bone structure of her youthful and symmetrical face. She made you feel incompetent yet wanted. Beautiful yet plain. At the top of the world yet second place. She was a girl who, on the darkest of days, helped you enjoy the faintest of light...striving for anything that was slightly unattainable. She made you want to expand your vocabulary, give the last of your cash to a beggar, give a lost soul directions to the nearest bar. You could never justify your actions with reason, just on a whim of intuition. You see her every day...reading on the subway, walking past a window, exiting the elevator while you're walking in. You always wonder what your day would have been like had you done these things mere seconds before or after you actually did. As if it was some sort of fate, this stranger crossing your path, inspiring you to do more than you could have ever done consuming the city's best coffee after a full night of sleep. If only you could have prepared yourself for these almost encounters, slipping from your fingertips and all of a sudden becoming lifetimes away.

The Key

Temperate clouds rushed across the faint October sky. I could lay here for hours, waiting for something that might never come. Because today, I don't need anything at all. Everything I've wanted is right here right now, in this solitary moment of all things coming together at the right time. I didn't ask for this, I only hoped for this. My feet have stepped on stones and streets, I could walk for hours and learn more in a day that I could in a year someplace else. All this time I've been searching for my heart, and who knew it would be right here, restless and eager to jump back into my chest. It's relieving to have found a destination. I'll be here a while. The leaves are changing colors, they've grown tired of being perfect in the blinding light of summer. Autumn is blooming and change is in the air. We really don't need much at all, do we?

Sing Me To...

If I could dream with a mind as beautiful as yours, I could sleep forever.

Con Fu Sion

So maybe this world was built for you to destroy

To break down to every single solitary detail

Until it becomes nothing at all.

Maybe they say the sky is blue

Just so you can hate it

When it turns pink or gray or black.

And perhaps love is just a word

We use to make ourselves feel whole

When we are as empty as a cage.

As if uncertainty was the only answer

To all of life's concerning questions

As simple as could be.

Up and down and left and right

Inside out and outside in

Just as confused as we began.

Always wandering so desperately

Lost on the outskirts of reality

As quick as death should be.

Well strong the mind

So weak the heart

You chose the end 

Right from the start.

Youth

When the shadows of our souls begin to chase who we once were

Long ago, lifetimes ago, when we wandered the streets without a care

We noticed the little things that were never harmful

Never grasping how big the world was and how small we were

It was then that we were happy but didn't know it

Oblivious to the sorrows that drowned the others around us

Blind to the things that were too complicated to understand

And here we are now, clinging onto memories that hardly existed

Wishing for a moment that we could return to these former selves

Free from pain, regret, remorse, and heartbreak

There were no scratches or scars or doubts

We have become jaded no matter how hard we try not to be

Craving the one thing that can never be restored

Innocence, purity, and naivety

It is fragile, like porcelain sitting on a high shelf

Meant to be seen, never touched

But someone always does, and it falls to the ground

Shattering into a thousand pieces that can't be glued back together

No matter how hard you try to make it whole again

Regardless of how precisely and perfectly you place the pieces 

The broken eyes become glazed over with a different view on life

So we have these remnants of who we once were

And these ideas of who we have become

We try to regain whole feelings with half a heart

To revive our youthful, unvintageable spirits

Wandering in the dark, waiting to be saved

Well we can find the will to live a life unknown

To soak in every bit of sunshine and light the way of self-discovery

We can become new 

Again

The Things That Keep You Up At Night

It's difficult to have peace of mind when the world is so tragically broken.

If only we could save it.

The Catch

The most common dream of man kind is to live the life that he desires. The only problem lies in the fact that most don't know what that is. Which leads to society's biggest misunderstanding...the belief that knowing what one wants is of the utmost importance. That this is a decision that somehow needs to be made at a certain point in one's life, to determine the outcome of their success. No one should ever commit to one type of life to live, one certain role to play, one certain way to be. If this happens, where does room for growth exist?

Wanderlust

http://inspirethedreamers.tumblr.com

Life In Layers

I like to think of life in layers
A never-ending story
To unravel
Piece by piece
Sometimes you have to rip
Each one off
Fast and clean
Sometimes you need to go
Slow
Pulling each one gently
Carefully
Until it falls off onto the ground
And sometimes
In rare moments
Of serendipity
The next layer reveals itself
And all that effort you put in
Before
All those times you tried
So hard
It was never as breathtaking
As this one
When things are just right
Not perfect
Because perfect doesn't last

Things are just right

That will do

Happiness

The sunlight leaped through the clouds
It has been far too long
Since I've seen my own face
My body too small to contain
All of the ecstasy flowing inside
I am alive
and
I'm twice the person
I was before

It feels good to see the light

Loss and Longing

I've seen men and women on the streets
Who gave up long ago
Skin scraping on aching bones
With no hope to find a home
I speak not of the beggars
They still have hope to be shared
Like the man with the tin half full of coins
Asking for some change to be spared
He just wants to buy a drink
So he can stay sane
And a cigarette to ease the pain
Or the boy with the open guitar case
Full of dollar bills
Playing six strings seven days a week
He just needs a stage and some time to kill
What I speak of is the people you don't see
Sleeping on subways with no destination
They don't dream anymore
In a constant state of deterioration
No roof above and no place to stay
Slowly dying with each passing day
I've seen darkness at its darkest
Putrid corners of empty buildings
Stories left behind that no one would want to know
I've seen people become addicted
Things meant to be enjoyable
Become a weapon of torture
I've seen bloodless battles
Far more gut-wrenching than war
Where sex and drugs and desperation
Kill people from the inside out
No matter who they were before
You see it in their eyes first
Pure existence an endless curse
Nightmares while they're asleep
But reality is far far worse
I've heard screams that crackle spines
And cries that surge blood through veins
Whimpering so loud it's deafening
Wrists with scars that won't heal
Hearts blackened and souls sucked dry
So next time you open your mouth to sigh
Be thankful you don't have the devil at your side

You Don't Know What Blue Is

he was laying on a blanket

in a room full of

scattered records

empty bottles

and

empty souls

he stared at the ceiling

his eyes were full

of complex thoughts

no windows

just walls

his fingernails 

scraped guitar strings

old and rusted

playing sounds that seemed

from an older time

a better time

everything was slightly

out of tune

i liked it that way

those creaking sounds

turned into something

beautiful

if i heard it years from now

i'd still remember

the candle burned

flickered

it made me comfortable

as i slid beside him

i looked at the ceiling

trying to 

find

what is was that he saw

but i think it was 

somewhere deep inside

hidden

it hurt me to listen 

to those words

to the humming

the tapping of his foot

against the wood floor

it brought tears to my eyes

the fire was

burning

blue and red and orange

it was warm

but i felt cold 

the winter waited outside

screaming

damning us 

to well whiskey

alone with our thoughts

sometimes

they're too much to bear

but all that 

pain

it was real

i felt alive

and on that 

cold december night

i fell

in love with a feeling.

Aftermath

I have walls up
for a reason

thank you
for
reminding me
why
I should never
let them down

The Comeback

Truly underestimated is one who is pushed over the edge but does not fall. One who bends but does not break. The silent one. The stubborn one. The blue in the fire. The whisper in the wind. The one in the very back. Observing. Learning. Planning.

The one you were always worried about.

You should have turned around.

The Bad Days

Spinning in circles and running in place
Holding in tears I can't shed
Thoughts drifting through empty space
Resisting this torrent inside of my head

Just yesterday I felt so well
Now I'm drowned with concern
Lost inside some private hell
Dreaming of a safe return

If my soul could catch fire
I'd watch from a distance
As these realms of desire
Met the fear of persistance

The question of reason
Is haunting me to death
Choking on treason
Take one last deep breath

I don't know up from down
Or the sky from the ground
Nor the poison from the air
Now I've lost the will to care

Higher

This mirror isn't working

I have no reflection

The sun is high in the sky

But I have no shadow

I put my palm on my chest

I don't feel a beat

I watch the sun rise

Wondering if I'll ever sleep

I miss nothing

Wanderlust is addicting

Am I living or just existing?

If I disappeared tomorrow

It might not make a difference

As transparent as a ghost

Hollow and empty

Some days are beautiful

Others seem endless

Yesterday I was strong

Today I feel defenseless

Home is what you make it

This is where I belong

I won't be pushed away

My body can tire

My spirits can crumble

But my ambition can't be touched

I came here for a reason

I will not leave until I am as solid as the streets beneath my feet

The Chase

I could smile, flip my hair, say witty things and turn away. I could dress in my Sunday's best for days on end. I could make all of the right moves, do all of the things I was told to, all of the things that could lead you in the right direction. I could care about all the twisting of words, tongue-tied and irresistible. I could paint you a picture with my descriptions, tell you a story with my eyes, make your hair stand on end. I could be pretty and fill your head with the trailing scent of desire. I could drive you mad and bend the rules, while following all the steps toward achieving a perfect lustful facade, filled with impatience and all of the wrong intentions for the right things. I could give you everything, if you just convince me...

The Rival of The Standard

No dream too big nor thought too small
The sky set fire the way we meant it to
Well strong the mind and weak the heart
The way that life intended to
And if death walks the way you do
At least I'll go in style
Outstretched arms and clinging hands
We made it worth the while

Well time is not a countdown
Tomorrow is not a threat
What a challenge it is we face
To live life without regret
I've stared at the other side of town
I'm sure it's just the same
What souls have drowned in this attempt
To play society's twisted game

That heavy burden you choose to carry
One day it will bring you down
And you'll be chained to your own deadlines
When you feel the need to escape this town
The strive for perfection could drive you insane
Don't let something else pass you by
Such an expert at the art of being abstained
Well there isn't much fun in being refrained

So we ask ourselves the things we can do
To have two feet planted on solid ground
So our peers can give us a pat on the back
And say something counterfeit but profound
Not too long ago I made a decision
To live life on a whim of free will
And though you won't understand this vision
I'll have my last laugh while you're standing still

The 3 Year Transition

The chain of events, not driven by time but subconscious choices. Now I am here, in the right place, and time has no choice but to be on my side.

What it's worth

The measure of man is not  necessarily whether or not he fails or succeeds, but that he tries his best.

The Other You

We're closer when we're at a distance

The slightest touch is too much to handle

You and I, we have our walls

No good-willed force could bring them down

But you could walk right through

If you only knew the rules I broke for you

You didn't hear the words I spoke to you

While we were fast asleep

Halfway dying in our dreams

Maybe someday you could be me 

To finally understand 

Why I haven't let you go

To show you the things you wanted to know

The things that I'll never tell

And maybe it could have worked

In another lifetime less tragic and cursed

Maybe the other you is waiting 

Somewhere for another me

To go to those places we'll never get to see

To be those people we always wanted to be

Hopelessly and desperately 

Wearing our hearts on our sleeve

No scars and no regrets

So raise your glass to the other you and I

The ones that weren't too cowardly to give love a try

Quicksand

Sometimes things don't make sense. They're difficult, they're destructive, and they're intimidating. But sometimes they're there for a reason. And if you feel like there is some purpose in fighting, some purpose in pushing, some test of the soul being performed...then keep going. You are meant to be here.

Essential

"Always have something to look forward to."


No matter how big, or how small. It keeps us going. It gives us hope. We need these things sometimes. If the present is overbearing, we can turn to the past to make us smile. That is what our memories are for. We can look into the future, we can dream. That is what our imagination is for.

The Next Chapter

When life changes in a matter of hours. Yesterday is no longer the past, but history. When the sun goes down quietly, and the stars breathe in the dead of night. When the world stops and starts to spin in reverse. When everything that used to matter becomes insignificant. When old friends are missed greatly and new friends are welcome with open arms. When everything progresses in slow motion, but passes by in an instant. Where footprints are left behind and shadows disappear. Where stories are made and love is never forgotten.

This is life being lived, novels being written, tears being cried, hearts growing, and fears thriving. This is the end of the beginning. And the beginning of everything. 

Release

GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE

The sky is beautiful...but don't go telling everyone

Time takes the clarity of things away, as memories slip through our fingertips. Just as I realize they're escaping, they're gone for good. The photographs start to fade, the words grow quiet, the vision becomes unclear. Is this what dying is? Forgetting the things we live for? I once loved so much, with such strength, that it was impossible to describe. It was fierce, passionate, breathtaking. It could have put out the fire of the sun, drained all the ocean from the earth, torn all the stars from the sky. But it doesn't exist anymore. Where does it all go? The love, the hate, the regret, the sorrow, the joy, the desire? Do we just add these feelings to our collection of failed causes? I once believed so whole-heartedly, truly, deeply, that my dreams were so vivid they were almost blinding. Now I struggle to see them. It's as though everything has come to some dull dead end. My heart doesn't jump, it doesn't flutter, it doesn't sink...sometimes I put my hand under my breast just to see if it's even beating. So what does it take to feel alive again? Is it a moment, a person, a feeling? It's similar to walking forever, lost, trying to find a way home. I feel like I've been walking and wandering for so long that I've forgotten where I was headed. I'm just trudging forward because my body tells me to. I need that surge of energy, that spike in my vein, that fire in my heart again. I'm almost numb to the bone. My surroundings have become a greyscale...no saturated colors, no black and white. Just a bleak and solemn overtone. I need to feel alive again, to feel excitement, joy, pain, something, anything. This nothing just won't do anymore.

Fare Thee Well

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as his lips gently pressed on her forehead. She knew this was the last moment she would feel safe for quite some time. Her emerald eyes started to burn, her throat started to tighten. But she fought it off...if there was one thing she was good at, it was swallowing her emotions and putting on a smile.
"Off you go, darlin'. You know I'm not keen on goodbyes."
She placed her hands on his cheeks, and then traced his collarbone, trying to take note of everything. His scent, his soft skin, his voice. Her heart was pounding and her legs were shaking like two teetering towers in the wind.
"See you soon", she whispered. But she knew it wasn't true.

It was one of those scenes in life like a movie...everything was saturated with the golden light of dusk, the air was warm and everything seemed to be playing in slow motion. With great risk comes great sacrifice. There are certain times in life that you can sense change, the earth is shattered and an entirely different layer is revealed. It's frightening, it's exciting, and it's fucking beautiful. Sometimes love just isn't enough.

mdh

Always young, always gold, you never fade away

Here to stay, to destroy the things that get in your way

I was never one to talk, never one to share

Stripped down bare and breathless, hungry and restless

Just the way you like it

But we're just kids we don't want to grow old

Never did what we were told but here we are now

Wondering what the hell this life is about

Lost as ever 

Lost inside forever

Trying not to look back so we look ahead

Staring into the eyes of the future instead

Well we could change the world if we wanted

Maybe we're just too scared

Too fucked up or unprepared

But you don't see yourself like I do

Your mirror not as keen as my eyes

No more drugs and no disguise

You're really something dear

No more fear and no excuses

Let's conquer this life before we lose it

XI

I ripped through every single page, through the preface and the epilogue. I searched through history books and websites. I listened to the songs, over and over again, until i knew all the words, all the twists and turns, all the secrets. I depicted the drawings on the wall, the faded photographs, the letters never sealed and never sent. I walked back and forth, to the edge of the earth, to the end of the road, to the corners of the sky. I asked every question, peered into every soul, borrowed every dream. All the memories, fears, and hopes became a part of me. I was pulled in every direction, torn between each path, spinning in circles and walking a tightrope. I experienced every rock bottom, every tip top, and everything in the middle, trying to find an answer. Then I realized it was buried deep inside of me, and no impatient digging, soul-searching, or magic lamp was going to reveal it. I saw that the answer was in all of these things, but I was too busy trying to find it to appreciate what they were trying to tell me. So I learned to be patient, I learned to breathe, and I learned to listen. It's not about finding something that is hidden, but discovering something that is right in front of you.

Lightly

No need to rush, better to wait
Real like those scars on your chest
Listen to fear, it's stronger than hate
You're all talk, just like the rest
While my Sunday's worst
Is your Sunday's best
I can walk away just like you
Just like I'm someone new
So it all comes down to what?
Running around in circles again
No start and no end
Just one big waste of time
Lost the need to pretend
Turned that water into wine
And drank till it was dry
But you're no better
You're much worse
Nothing but a disarming curse
Your charm contagiously adverse
So take it for all it's worth
One day you won't be so tough
One day it won't be enough

Lessons

The other day, I participated in a much-dreaded trip to the coin laundromat. We went to a restaurant next door to pass the time. I didn't want to go, and the food was nowhere near satisfactory. But I love to people watch(and listen). There was a woman at a table with her two little girls. The older of the sisters asked her mother: "Mom, everyone says that the world is going to end in 2012. I'm scared." The woman pulled her daughter's hair back, and kissed her forhead. "Baby, there's no point in worrying about things we have no control over." I didn't expect to learn anything in that short amount of time. Sometimes the world just pulls you in and forces you to pay attention.

The Effort

I may drink too much

I may think too much

I may be too much

to handle

sometimes

but




I'd like you to try.

The Alternative

You will lose your way.

Your heart will be broken, many times.

You will endure an immense amount of pain.

You will fail.

You will fall.

You will die.

(But you will find a new path.)

(But you will become an artist sewing it back together.)

(But one taste of happiness will make up for it all.)

(But you will learn.)

(But you will pull yourself up again.)

(But you will live.)

The Realist and The Dreamer

I search for you all the time. In my dreams. In my waking life. Around every corner I turn. Every coffee shop I walk into. Every bar I order a drink at. At the bottom of every bottle. At the turn of every page. At the end of every letter. At the top of every mountain. At the deepest of all the valleys. At the end of every winding road. At the darkest part of the sea.

I listen for you. In the bridge of every song. In the ring of every phone call. In the weeping of the wind. In the breath of every glistening star. In the crash of every wave. In the pain of every sob. In the joy of every laugh. In the fury of every scream.

I wait for you. At the setting of every sundown. At the break of every dawn. At the change of every season. After everyone else has gone.

You're out there somewhere...I know you are.

My artist. My muse.

.

Love with your whole heart.

Never be sorry.

E. Smith Wasn't So Crazy After All

My heart is slowly breaking. Little by little. Day by day. It's like the weak blade of a dull knife, not slicing into my chest, but sawing. Not an instant, sharp pain, but one that gets worse by the minute because I know that it won't end soon or abruptly. And I can see it happening right in front of me, right before me...it doesn't take me by surprise. This is a time I pray for ignorance because perhaps if I didn't think so much, or observe every little detail, then I would not feel so deeply. It's a curse. But I wouldn't want it any other way. And someday, this might be the death of me.

Piece of Mind. Peace of Mind. (II)

After years of ups and downs, I have come to discover that losing yourself is just as important as finding yourself. That the harder we try to make an impression, the less we actually do. I have learned that you either have it, or you don't. That confidence is more important than what you are saying or wearing. That the best-looking is not always the greatest catch. I have learned that everything should be written in pen, and drawn in pencil. I have learned that true love does not fade away. That the faster you dive into a relationship, the faster it ends. I have learned that there is no cure to heartache, but the company of friends, chocolate, and wine make it easier to cope with. I have learned that stressing about things you have no control over is a waste of time. That friends and family are more important than anyone else. That mothers are always right. I have learned that trying to be something you are not is like swimming against a current. I  have learned that rest, eating proper meals, and drinking enough water really are the key a healthy lifestyle. I have learned that anger and instability should never be mixed with alcohol. I have learned that life is unforgiving, but the best way to deal with it is to accept it, and make the best of what you have. I have learned that no matter how bad things get, they can always get worse. That we will never have all of the answers, and perhaps we do not need them. I have learned to hope for the best, but never expect it. That yelling may get people's attention, but it does not get the point across. I have learned that nothing is good in excess. I have learned that walking is always better than driving, and that getting out is always better than staying in. I have learned that receiving a letter means more than receiving an e-mail, that getting a phone call means more than getting a text message, that flipping through a magazine has more of an impact than clicking a button, that holding a photo means more than seeing it in pixels, and that the tangible things in life are the only things that can become a part of our history. And if that is all we have, that is enough. What do you have to show for?

Piece of Mind. Peace of Mind (I)

In Transition

The wait is killing me. I can feel it. I can taste it. But it seems so distant and intangible at the same time. I feel trapped here. These next two weeks will be difficult. Everything is temporary. You must be out of your element in order to shine shine shine. Once I move down south I can breath. Deeply. Reflect. Plan. Become healthy again. And then I am going to take a giant leap into a completely different life. A life that I tasted, briefly, twice. And you better believe that I'm scared senseless, but I'll savor every second of it.

Best Coast

My head is clear and my heart is steady

I've been here far too long

I've gained so much but I know I'm ready

To sing a different song

A song full of colors and seasons 

Subways and sidewalk displays

Each rhyme with its own reason

Skyscrapers and yellow cars

A banker in stride with a fashionista 

A mad hatter sitting next to Mona Lisa

A sinner shares a ride with a saint

A dancer holding hands with a poet

This is New York City and you know it

I'm sick of the who's who and the glitz

The orange tans and rock hard tits

I may be judgemental but I need to go

If not I might not ever know

The East coast is screaming my name

I have no choice but to answer with a smile

And pray that this be worth my while

The Things We Reach For

"Success", much like the term "perfect", is intangible. Those who speak of it will most likely not ever achieve it. If you truly put every ounce of passion and every bead of sweat into what you do, the rest will follow. If you spend your whole life with your eye on one thing, you are being unrealistic. It's not about order, clarity, or planning...it's about losing yourself. Do not obsess over all of the imperfections...embrace them. Do not focus on the things that you lack, focus on the things that you have, and flaunt them. Do not dwell so much on the past, do not dream so much of the future, but open your eyes and look at the things that are right in front of you. The present is all we have, so perhaps if we just do our very best every day, then life will fulfill itself.