FASTEN YOUR SEATBELTS

WE'RE GONNA START A REVOLUTION

not titled

I am the wind beneath your wings
Everything that you ignored
Everything you took for granted
All the signs you failed to see
All the unspoken thoughts
that you smiled to yourself about
All the chances that slipped away
All the pennies you threw into that wishing well
All the times you crossed your fingers
Every candle you blew out
Every toast you raised your glass to
I am your eleven past eleven
Every moment you held your breath
Every time you closed your eyes and hoped for something better
I am the charm you clenched too tightly (it was only for good luck)
I am the shoulder you failed to cry on
The best friend you never confided in
All the secrets you did not tell
All the letters you wrote but could not send
I am the crowd that cheered you on
when you did not believe in yourself
I was the one in the corner smiling
when everyone else was unsure
I was always there
I have always been there
And nothing will change

too careless

where will you find yourself when it all comes crashing down?
all the things you love and hate laying side by side.
shattered in pieces on the ground.

balance

here i stand
at the edge of the world
i knew it wasn't round
i cannot hear a sound
my toes are over the edge
i'm looking down
i see everything
the future and the past
my heart is fluttering
it's beating much too fast
i'm frozen with fear
yet flowing with adrenaline
my blood raging beneath my skin
looking down into a crystal ball
i suddenly begin to realize
i haven't seen the depths of this world at all
i see that there is beauty in everything
even in pain, in darkness, in rain
in happiness and in sunlight
i try to keep my balance with all my might
before my vision fades from sight
a tear cascades down my cheek
i feel as strong as i do weak
all i want to do is live a life fulfilled
i won't let my soul or spirit be killed
my heart is racing as time stands still
i close my eyes and take a step back
i slowly turn to walk away
and i will look at the sky
much differently today
i will appreciate all that comes my way

stay up

Why is it that my head and heart can never agree?
I feel like two different people
What a perfect example of irony
Do ya miss me?
Do ya hate me?
But you need me
Cuz ya love me
No wonder we throw ourselves over balconies
Mr. Elliott Smith proved
Not to be so crazy
Hey Mr. Misery
You’re not alone
I can’t find a house
That feels like a home
My heart wasn’t beating
It was just the outside pounding
On flesh covering stone
Did you see it all coming?
Spare me the "I told you so"
Just turn around and start running
So i can finally let it go

blindfold

I wished upon a shooting star
I lost my breath on that crystal flower
I crossed my fingers until they turned blue
So now I’ll leave it up to you
To let my dreams come true
I believed in all those fairy tales
I saw the castle up in the sky
I gave up on wondering and asking why
I could never make up my mind
So I left it up to fate
The answer to indecision
The artist that could paint my vision
The muse that could encompass
All that I could never be
The blind man that described perfectly
All those things I could not see
The light that guided me home
When the night was cold and black
The gut feeling that led me in the right direction
When I had wandered off and lost track
The blood flow that kept my heart beating
When my soul had given up
The record that scratched and kept repeating
All the words that gave me faith in love
The pain of a pinprick in paralysis
Like being blindfolded and finding the perfect kiss

this crazy breed

After all, I'm only human
Forgive me for these reckless mistakes
Forget the time it takes for me to come around
I can only stand for so long with my two feet on the ground.
My flaws will not fix themselves
My attitude won't change
If you keep trying to perfect me
I'll just become more disarranged.

Society, you sicken me
With eyes that judge and do not see
A lying tongue and blackened heart
Consumed by greed and vanity
We are poisoned from the start
You move slow like a disease
That will kill us all with secrecy.

After all, I'm just a girl
Forgive me for my foolish ways
Forget the days I spend lost inside a dream
I can only hold my breath so long before I start to scream.
I don't want you to love me
I don't want you to think me fair
It's just a facade I've made because I do not care
Just an illusion that you see, because I am not there.

Society, you sicken me
With arms that hug but do not hold
Look at what you've done to me
All these lies you've told
We believed you from the start
And now you sit back and watch
As we fall victim to your every move and tear ourselves apart.

today and tomorrow

i awoke without hesitation
i awoke full of inspiration
with a song in my head
and a story to tell
i smiled in the midst of salvation.

i walked the streets with my heart on my sleeve
i walked the streets with the need to believe
my head was held high
and eyes straight ahead
i did not shiver in the crisp autumn breeze.

i left that day without looking back
i left that day with no plan of attack
i knew nothing at all
and i knew everything
i had to wander off the beaten track

i dreamt that night the wildest of dreams
i dreamt that night of the things in between
of things forgotten
and things to come
i arrived in the future that i once had seen.

everything in its right place

Slow like a movie
Sweet as a song
Always wanting more
As I breathe you in
I don't want to exhale.

birth

Each morning I awaken with a different thought in my head, a different feeling. It's as though I am a new person each day, even if just for that single moment. Sometimes I wake with a question, sometimes with a goal, sometimes with a destination, and sometimes with nothing at all. I wonder who I am, who I have been, and who I will be. But one thing stays the same...I wake up alone. Wether it be by myself or next to somebody, it does not change. That being said, I am left with a lot of time to think. Throughout our lives we are taught many things. How to walk, how to speak, how to share, how to read, how to write, how to think, how to process, how to be successful...the list goes on. But we are never taught how to love, how to lose, how to fail, how to be happy, how to cry, or how to simply manage. I suppose these things are expected to be innate to us all. We are always seeking answers. Some of us learn through experience, while others are at a constant loss. We are told from the beginning that in order for life to be complete, we must fall in love, get married, and have children. But many of us come from broken families and broken homes...the only love we know lays in shambles scattered across the floor. When we are young and naive, we expect life to be a breeze, we believe that love is like a fairytale. We can't wait to grow older. We think that all things are beautiful, all smiles genuine, and that the words we hear and stories we are told consist of nothing but truth and fact. Then we become older, we doubt, and we rebel when we start to see the reality of it all. We see how the world works and how people are. We begin to search for and examine the dark side of things, mostly because we were never shown. We try to find our purpose in this world every day. I often wonder if anyone can say they have truly succeeded in finding it. I suppose we could go on forever trying to make sense of things, however, I feel that nothing is meant to make sense. I feel that life exists simply for us to enjoy it. Perhaps we as people are too complex, always complicating things. Maybe life is just as simple as it was from the first moment we opened our eyes to see it...

fixation

sweet addiction, you got the best of me
you take my breath from me
then vanish like the sun
and re-appear each morning
i wish you'd go away
but come mid day
i fade away
and come each night
i hate myself
and you for being right
i try to fight
i try to fight
but never win
the rush of sin
is like adrenaline beneath my skin
they'll never know
one day i'll go
far away from here
i always dream to disappear
and you help me do it
yes you do
i'm gone and no one has a clue

piece of mind. peace of mind.

In my failed attempt to make a difference in this world, I stumbled upon an unintended success in finding myself. I have learned that the ones we love the most are the ones that can hurt us the worst, and that getting hurt is the only thing that can make us stronger. That the more we cry, the less we feel the pain. That the angrier we become, the less we have control. I've learned that the more we know, the less we judge. That we can only learn with an open mind, and a closed mind just leads to arrogance and naivety. That sometimes we need to look at the bigger picture in order to notice the smaller details. That enjoying the simple things in life are the only things that can make it seem less complicated. I've learned that we cannot love another if we hate ourselves. That we cannot succeed if we cannot handle failure. That the less we have, the more we appreciate. That the more we have, the more we want, and the greedier we become. I've learned that you cannot love with a broken heart. That the slower we move, the more we see. I've learned that you can't let go unless you are ready to, but if you hold on to something for too long then you will never escape the past. I've learned that things and people change, and there is nothing any of us can do to avoid it. I've learned that the most beautiful things in life are often found when we are not searching for them. I've learned that hope is the only intangible thing that can keep us going, and if that is all we have, that is enough.

whisper. talk. shout. scream. silence.

Can you hear me?
Can you see me?
Can you taste me?
I’ve lost myself
Somewhere inside you
And I don’t know where to go
Forget me
Forgive me
Or never let me know
I feel you
I can’t keep it together
Anymore
I shed no tears
It’s all inside
Building up
Until I choke
On the words I couldn’t say
I mean this when I say it
Please just stay away
It’s simple
And real
I can’t be touched
Nor can I feel
So do as I say
One day you will realize
It’s better off this way

embrace

Here I stand, disoriented
In all these unfamiliar places
Sick of people and their two faces
You will not find me here again
I'll disappear in time
Leave nothing but my words behind
Forgotten just as quickly as I had escaped
I always wanteed more than this world could give
Afraid not of dying, but to never have lived
I tried making the best of what I was able
Enjoying the times that were shaken and unstable
The ride is always better than the destination
So reached out in my salvation
My reflection a stranger
Myself unknown
I've felt whole and complete
I've felt alone
I've been real and I've been an illusion
I've felt welcome
I've been an intrusion
Life is often misunderstood
We always search desparately for an answer
Perhaps it doesn't exist
And in our constant questioning we've missed
All the things that might give us meaning
That are full of truth and comfort
I'm in no hurry to know
I'll take my time
As time lets me go
I will lead a life fulfilled
For I did not live in fear of the end
But learned to enjoy the thrill

breathe in, breathe out

i saw it all
it passed me by
i let it go
you asked me why
i never cared
i told you i
was never there
it's over now
dead and gone
time lingers on
kindred spirits
broken thoughts
empty souls
forget all those
forget me nots
i swear you were
a waking dream
drowning in
an endless stream
left behind
never mine
never yours
never ours
cross your heart
you told a lie
all was lost
broken and torn
helpless and forlorn
an untraceable cost
i do not feel
the day is quiet
the night yells
first in heaven
then to hell
now i cannot tell
sheer delight
beaten to despair
what is ugly
was once so fair
i cannot bare
my soul to share
another moment
with another
or to uncover
another mask
a simple movement
with an endless task
i choose to be
on my own
i choose to be
alone

thank you, kindly, for your persitance

but i have chosen the path of least resistance

vacation

all i ever wanted, vacation...time to get away.

i don't know how i'm gonna tell you...i can't play with you no more

darlin if you're hurtin, you know you can come home. there are far better things to do than sit around alone. there are things that can bring you happiness that you never would have known. i know i've been away but i'm trying to make it back. in attempting to find out who i am i feel like i've just lost track. i wanted to feel something inside but instead ran into the love i lack. although i look up at the sky and it's painted the deepest blue, i cannot feel the sunshine if i'm not looking at you. i miss you more than you know, and sometimes i don't know what to do. i remember when we were kids and i thought we'd never be apart. you were the only person i'd let anywhere near my heart. i care about you now just as much as i did from the start. if i could take you with me, babe you know i would. but we're living in different worlds somehow, and that would do no good. maybe in some distant time and place, we will end up together. and you can finally believe me when i said i'd love you forever. and we can smile and laugh just like we're living in a dream. until then i'll be thinking of you while we're stuck here in between.

it's strange

how beautiful people look when they're walking out the door

stranger, i wish i knew

isolated but inviting
desolate and brooding
a breath of something exciting
you set me off
hope i'm not intruding
but i need to know your name
your soul it speaks to me
and now i'm not the same
i'll do what ever it takes
to get to know you better
so let's run away together
and make some mistakes
you're the cure to feed my starving eyes
i see past your beautiful disguise
you might be the only real thing
walkin' around this ghost town
i'd love to hear you sing
when it all turns upside down
you make me feel unsure
and now i just want more
you may be hard to read
but i'll try my best
you're not like all the rest
i'm standing but my knees are shakin'
my head is fine but my body is achin'
so come and set me free
too blind with pleasure to see
so what's a girl to do
stranger, i wish i knew

if you walk away i'll walk away

i tried to hold back. to keep my composure and hold everything in. now i give up. you win. too much time has passed and i shouldn't think like this. shouldn't dream of your eyes or your kiss. but there you are. alive and well. time will tell. time will yell. time will scream your name. i hope you're still the same. hope nothing has changed. hope some hope remains. feelings come and go. it was one hell of a show. they'll never even know.

have we reached the point of no return yet?

i want to know what it's like to turn my back on it all

words that mean nothing

you watched as the clouds drifted slowly through the summer sky. you asked me why everything always passes you by. you said you wanted to abandon something just to see what it feels like to be on the other side. but you're an angel, don't you see? you don't know how much you mean to me. the cold embrace of this world is bittersweet. it can destroy some, but you and i stay alive in our defeat. you told me i could achieve all the things that i desire if i just believe. here on earth our spirits roam. i think my soul has turned into stone. are we living or are we dying? i just can't tell. one man's kingdom can be another man's hell. perhaps it's both of the two. go ahead and bid your farewell. i promise i will never tell. and if i hurt you, i am sorry. please know that none of it was ever easy. so please don't watch me as i walk away, because i can feel it. if you want my heart you have to steal it. you tell me i am complicated, but the truth is i just don't care. each move is never orchestrated. i'm sorry if i've been unfair. falling in love is much tooover rated. i'm in my own world and that is where i'll stay. you're talking to me but i can't hear a word you say. life will forever be a sweet surrender. you will always be what i remember.

i hold secrets i can no longer keep
these thoughts and feelings run too deep
i never got the chance to tell you
but when i hear your voice my knees go weak
you are the sunlight breaking through the clouds
all the whispers i couldn't scream out loud
you're the bad habit i could never break
the chance that i could never take
the smile that i couldn't fake
i lay awake and cannot sleep
i wander through dark empty streets
the stop lights change from red to green
you are the future unforseen
my reoccuring pointless dream
i want it all to end
perhaps this pain will never mend
i can't live in a world of pretend
this all just has to fade
forget the promises i made
forget my love kept hidden in the shade
you never would have stayed
i forgot what it was that i chased after
love is not meant to be a disaster
i know some things just cannot be
there never was a you and me.

^^the dreamers^^

As slow as the world seems to turn, sometimes it can make you dizzy. Time can pass you by in an instant, the blink of an eye. And you can either choose to look back or look ahead. Regret can overwhelm the mind as it is easier for some to reminisce then to imagine. It's easy to sit around all day and wonder how things could have been, or how different things would be now. But the purpose of life is to keep living, to keep going, no matter how hard it is. Regardless of our surroundings, we see what we want to see. we ignore what we wish wasn't there. If it's so simple to manipulate the present, then how come it's impossible to change the past or see the future? Perhaps that is the reason we keep going. Mystery is more intriguing than what we see with the naked eye. Existance is what we make of it. Some things truly are out of our hands, but most of the time it's just an excuse we make for giving up. The truth is that failure is easier than triumph. It's much less of an effort to surrender and go back to our daily routine than it is to brave the unfamiliar. To enter a world of the unknown is terrifying. It's like slipping into a dark hole and not having anything to hold on to or slow you from breaking your fall. Some are okay with comfort, while others strive to encounter that fear. It's like an itch, not necissarily what you want to be done, but what has to be done. Many spend their lives being warm and comfortable, content with reality. The remainder aren't happy unless they're chasing something, wether it be reaching for the stars or swimming to the horizon. Never knowing is what keeps them alive...

beautifully broken

He was a beautiful mess. He seemed to look his best when he was fallin apart. And as he stumbled toward me, his eyes fixated straight ahead, I knew he had stolen my heart. Drawn in by the words he never said, the unspoken passion was there from the start. He could make me feel the sunlight when there wasn't a trace of blue in the sky. I didn't want to sleep at night because he was a waking dream that could never die. Such an organized disaster all scattered everywhere, his eyes were full of despair but his old soul was true. So genuinely ill-prepared for all the simple things he never knew. He wears his façade with elegance, so scared of something real. It's safe to say he's confident when everything is concealed. He can't be aware of his misery if he never has to feel. A walking broken tragedy, so vulnerable in his sadness, there was some sort of sick temptation in all those fucked up nights of madness. He slowly started to lose control, and I reached out my trembling hand. I said ((I cannot save you, as you know, but I promise I can understand)). He said he never expected life itself to ravage all his plans. We all wish for things to work out, but in the end they simply never can. He learned to fake a smile and pretend that it all was fine. I think he even fooled himself because he couldn't draw the line. They say everything heals with time but that just isn't true. Time can carve into a wound and make it sting like it was new. It just gets deeper and deeper until it becomes a part of you. He carried an emotional burden and it was starting to wear him down. He said the same thing that sucked him in was what made him want to leave this town. Trapped into being free isn't as invigorating as it sounds. If I could convince him that there was a chance and something better stood ahead, I would. I'd say all the hopeful words I meant, and I'd believe it all if I only could. I'd tell him that everything would be okay, but in this day all words and feelings do no good.

society

II

Society

You hide behind your mask and think it looks good as long as you look like everyone else. As long as you don't stand out. You take in everyone else's thoughts, everyone else's views and try to claim them as your own. You're so brainwashed that you truly think they are a part of you. You point out others' insecurities in hopes that no one will notice yours. I'd rather stand naked and vulnerable in the light than safe and comfortable in the shadows. I'm sick of society, I'm sick of everyone. You have a cigarette in one hand and a bottle in the other, you yell out, "live fast and die young!!"....are you even living? You have everything mixed up. You mistake vanity for beauty, but something beautiful is never vain. The only way you can tell if someone is truly beautiful is by observing them when they think no one is looking. The word "love" rolls off your tongue much too frequent and far too easily. Love is not something that goes away. If you find yourself saying it to every significant other that you have, chances are it isn't real. You talk of dreams and hopes and passions and goals as if they will just fall into your lap. You look into the future and tremble. You look back at the past and cringe. The purpose of mistakes is not for them to be repeated and excused, but to teach you something. You learn nothing and gain nothing but ignorance. You hear songs but not the music, you read words but don't know the meaning. You view change with fear in your eyes and see no opportunity. You'd sell your soul to experience fame even if you were loved and praised for all the wrong reasons. You flaunt your facade with pride and hide who you are with shame. Your soul is empty and this fucked up world is to blame.

the world (in frames)

It all awakens with curiosity....shining bold and beautifully from afar, promising and full of life. Your eyes widen and your heart skips a beat or two. You are drawn in by it's appeal from the start. A seemingly sweet beginning to a potentially bitter end. Instantly you are thrown into in a whirlwind and, willing or unwilling, you fall victim to it's every move. You enjoy the ride, you feel free and full of exhiliration. But then, slowly, you start to see the flaws. The lights that once shined so bright start to dim. Dreams that once seemed plausible start to fade into the distance. It all comes crashing down. You witness the abundance of wickedness and treachery the world contains. Your naive heart breaks as everything that once made sense is now unfamiliar. You cannot cry, you cannot scream because you are empty. The pain goes so deep that you don't even feel it anymore. The things that used to make you feel at home are the very things that make you feel like a displaced stranger. You feel as though you are sinking into an unknown sea of darkness. You almost let yourself go. You start to remember the things that made you human. If that is all you have to pull yourself up, that is enough. No one can break your dreams but your own self doubt. So you start to believe again, knowing that after every storm comes sunshine, making it all the more warming and comforting. The world might have turned its back on you, but the stars still glisten in the sky, the heavens just above.

in pictues of truth lie...

we paint pictures of the sea

of the fiery sky and frozen trees

well i painted one of you and me

of how perfect we could never be

it made me see what i didn't before

the little things i chose to ignore

your heart was true but your effort was poor

i can see it all so clearly now

a love that once stood strong turns weary somehow

these pictures hang on our walls

but depict nothing real at all

they're the way we imagine things

safe inside a frame they will never be torn

never broken or battered or worn

and although they never change

they can make you feel a different way

if looked at on a different day

i can see it all so clearly now

as these short months turn into long years somehow

at some point in time we will put these pictures away

put them in storage and save them for a rainy day

because we all know things and people change

something that once made you smile can bring you pain

what once gave you peace of mind can drive you insane

the dust might settle but underneath the feelings remain

so we hide the memories of then and replace them with now

instead of wondering why the laughter turned into tears somehow

control.

everything is an illusion so you say. i seem coherent but i'm fading away. i've always believed that one day it would be worth the trouble. one day it would all piece together. you say forever like it has meaning behind it. cross your heart but you can't even find it. at the bottom of a bottle the pain starts to subside. it's so easy to hide behind all of our addictions. in this fictional world it's hard to find something real. if i'm always numb then i'll never have to feel. i can never be broken. never again. counting backwards from ten to fall asleep. this surreal world is something i wish i could keep. reality is deceiving and twisted. looking for an escape but i always miss it. i try to find truth but it's non existant. you can hold me close but i will always be distant. my feet are on the ground but my head is in the clouds. i wish there was an in between. listen closely and you can hear the sound of a broken dream. feelings buried so deep that i don't know they are there. forgive this life and forget despair. it all vanishes so perfectly into thin air. i can disappear without a care.