"from now on, from here on out, i solemnly swear to..."

If I want something, I am going to reach out and grab it. This goes for anything and anyone. No more acts of shyness, no more waiting for something to come to me. Life is too short to wait around. So I'm going to take control of my world, and take over the world...and I surely hope you don't mind.

Don't worry, it's all make believe

Up too late, on a rooftop, underneath your sheets. The night admits defeat, and the morning rises. I look into your eyes... it's surreal to have you next to me. The sunlight hits your hair, your shoulders bare...it isn't fair the way you get to me. We gaze at the sky and piece together a story made out of clouds. My heart is beating loud and I'm surprised it doesn't burst. You say love is a blessing, well I say it's a curse. You're a mid-summertime daydream, hazy and out of focus. I light your cigarette...there's not a moment I regret with you. You tell me to kiss you, so I no longer pretend I'm in between. Tangerine, my tangerine...not a reflection, but a silhouette of a dream. Fell for all the things I thought I'd seen...but they were out of my control. I'll always wonder, but never know. I suppose that's the first step towards letting go.

inner turmoil

I have followed this path for years with a smile on my face, eager to succeed. Over these years I have changed, blossomed, but lately I have grown tired and weak with frustration. Not because I can't keep going, but because I'm not sure that it's what I want anymore. And instead of trudging ahead without thinking or doubting, I am beginning to stagger. I do not look back, but instead I am looking around me for something else, something that better suits me. I am full with feelings of despair and failure. Nothing feels worse than realizing you've been wasting your time, energy, effort, heart and soul for no reason. I want to cry and scream but I can't. I feel like I've turned into stone. All these feelings rage inside me and it makes me pysically, mentally, and emotionally ill. I wish there was a sign staring me straight in the face, or a wise person who could tell me which direction to go. This path has been clear for years but now I can hardly see it. I see others that my heart desires but am afraid that they, too, will become unpromising and disappointing. I feel like the world is against me every day. I am lost and feel I should be found. Either that or I should disappear.