Monday

this week we can be different

we can toss and turn and wake up new people

we don't have to drag our tired bodies to work

today our social upbringing is forgotten

today we can finally fucking breathe

burn dollar bills and set the sky on fire

we can perch atop our favorite buildings

the ones we usually stare at from the ground

we can watch the people we used to be

scurrying around from one meeting to the next

it's funny how some of them don't even stop

not even to look up at the clouds

not one single moment is spent living

i wonder if we forced them to see and to feel

that they could become human again

but you and i don't have to worry

anymore

it's monday, it's our weekend

you can be a lush and i can wake up early

to see the sun rise from the shattered earth

freedom is underrated

do you think anyone has noticed?

our cease of existence 

lost amongst a sea of dead souls

wandering from place to place

without destinations

searching so desperately it's pathetic

searching for material things

intangible things

successmoneyfamesexlove

they might find all of these things

but never find themselves

their dying hearts buried beneath layers and layers

of self hatred and monotony

so i think we should leave this place

and not so much as even glance back

frames

i lost track of time

drifting away on thoughts

never acted upon

intensions are excuses

flesh and blood race

as my thoughts disintegrate

i slowly catch fire

it is enough 

to simply be near you

little angel
you thought you could breathe
in this sky full of poison
you thought you could be
in this world against being
like a fly on a wall
you sit, waiting patiently
for things that will never come
and you tried with all your soul
your head heart and bones
until you fell apart
jagged pieces on the ground
scattered so beautifully
as if they were meant
to be stepped on
left behind for the world
to see and interpret
well little poet
you wrote your story
proved your point
but i'm still empty
waiting to hear your voice
dying to read your words
if only it were so easy.

The Birth of A Season

Long legs and flowing skirts

Dancing in the wind

Fuschia lips and swinging hips

They'll take you for a spin

Bare skin shimmers

Beautiful innocent sinners

Hair like waves

These girls make graves

High heels and painted toes

She's pretty and she knows

Come midnight anything goes

A wink and a smile

She exhales in style

Two Three Four days in a row

So soft and so fair

Best damn well prepare

For springtime is in the air

The Long Road

A wooden swing hung from braided rope tied to an old tree branch.
A girl pushed her feet up in to the air, then back and forth until her surroundings blurred.
She was convinced that if she kept going for long enough, she could let go and start to soar above the ground and the tree tops.
Closing her eyes, she imagined that she left without looking back, disappearing into the streaks of tired autumn sunlight.

Footprints on grains of California sand strayed out to the glassy ocean, ready to be torn into.
A girl looked at the horizon, and swam until her arms started to ache and the saltwater blurred her vision.
She was convinced that if she kept going for long enough, she could reach the edge of the earth and find all of its treasured secrets.
Closing her eyes, she imagined that she left without looking back, disappearing into the crescent waves set on fire by the blinding summer sun.

Buildings that were lifetimes old stood the way they always had, with ancient stories dying to be told to restless hearts.
A girl gazed up at them, standing perfectly next to each other, and climbed winding stairwells until she lost count of the steps she'd taken and floors she'd passed.
She kept going for what seemed like forever, until she reached the very edge of the rooftop, looking out into a sea of people and cars and concrete, more fascinating that she could have ever imagined.
Closing her eyes, she breathed deeply and stared into the black sky, with dazzling white stars and blaring city lights. She disappeared into the cold winter night.

Untitled

As I toss and turn, tangled between ivory sheets and untouched thoughts, I wander in and out of what is real and what is imagined. Moments stained with colors and feelings that go deep to the bone. The dark black sky eases into a dim-lit morning, promising everything while forgetting nothing. I am a dreamer who does not sleep.

I touch your rough face with my soft hands, and as we breathe each other in, I lose myself. Somewhere inside of you I have disappeared. As my heart races and my blood rushes, I am fearless yet afraid of your every move. A simple look or a single word could strip me of every feeling I have. I am a lover who cannot love.

Sunlight slid across city streets, as I watched all that was grey turn to gold. The cerulean sky waited patiently for eyes to notice that it had, in fact, been blue all along. Crystal clouds swirled and danced with the wind. The world did not need any music that day. I've tried to re-create it but it was far too beautiful to remember perfectly. I am an artist who cannot paint.

And I want to tell you everything, so one day you will know that what we had existed, that we were both real and alive and together. That when you speak, everything else drops into silence. That when you smile, the sun shines brighter. That when you are beside me, clocks stop moving and souls stop shaking. I've written many letters in my head, in black calligraphy on old paper rolled up and tied with silk ribbons. You could keep them for a rainy day, a day that you might not feel whole and hopeful. But I am a writer who cannot write, while you are an optimist who cannot hope.

One day I will become who I am. One day we will get it right the first time. One day.

The World We Left Behind

Paths crossed and followed and forgotten

Laying in dust with faded photographic memories

Letters never written and bodies never touched

Only in daydreams did we leave stories behind

They let go of themselves and became the past

Waiting patiently for us to go back in time

And smile the way we used to when we didn't worry

Now we are ill with weight of the world on our shoulders

It is up to you and I to determine how to let go

To be heavy-hearted yet light as air

I can see clear bare skies ahead

Begging us to reach up 

You can't have your feet on the ground

If your head is in the clouds

I don't think we ever belonged here anyway

Blank

I am hungry

for 

inspiration

nothing but

a 

blank

canvas

dying to be made

into a work of art

The Words We All Need To Hear

Everything is going to be all right. You are so beautiful. Astounding. You steal the breath from every single person in every room when you walk through the door. You are one of a kind. Nobody could ever do the things that you do, in the way that you do them. You've impacted people's lives in ways that you can't comprehend. You will never be forgotten. People will talk about you for years to come. Things are going to get better. You might not think so, but they will. You have the power to do anything you want to do. Anything at all. Don't let them get to you. Don't try to please them. If they can't accept you for who you are, then you never will. If you want something, reach out and grab it. Take it and run with it and never let go. You deserve every second of happiness that you feel. You are you, and nobody can change that. Please don't forget this.

The Ghost of The Past

Time stopped with you
I forgive you for not listening
They weren't saying important things anyway
You knew how to turn the day around
And how to make the end of something
Feel like the beginning of everything else
It was you all along
Lighting up the sky each day
Competing with the sun
And when I didn't have the answers
You'd know exactly what to say
You read the thoughts in my head
Troubled or at ease
Perhaps you were just too much
For one wandering soul to handle
Do you remember everything vividly?
I can still feel the wind in my hair
With nothing but the world at our backs
In the wake of simplicity
We knew we could never return
To that moment we wanted to keep forever
Faded photographs do no justice
To the revelation of ourselves
Becoming who we were supposed to be
We broke our own hearts, did you see it coming?
You who could predict the future
And all the things it would leave behind
As we each breathe different air
From skies miles apart
Do your senses get tricked like mine do?
Sometimes I think I hear your voice
Telling me not to get ahead of myself
To slow down and let the world turn on its own
Sometimes I swear I breathe your scent
On pillowcases that miss you almost as desperately as I do
I can still feel your lips on the back of my neck
Begging me to fall asleep
As shivers trickle down my spine
If there are no such thing as second chances
Then I'm afraid I don't know what I'm waiting for
You said it right the first time
Shouting at a trembling echo, "You never know what you're missing until it's gone"

Growth

And you can spend your life counting down, waiting for the right moment for all of your desires to be fulfilled. You can stumble back upon the steps of our past, as you become blinded by all of the mistakes you  never saw coming. They hurt me then but they'll shatter you now. How you were so numb while every sense within me shook, I will never know or understand. You traced parts of me that you'll never be able to create again, as your bed lies empty like the deepest parts of your soul. We were never right were we? I knew it all along but could never say it aloud, while every piece of me was aching and every part of you was elsewhere. I was much too young and you were much too oblivious. I would never be who I am now if it weren't for you. You showed me what it was to have trust thrown into the darkness, echoing until it became a faint cry for help unanswered. You wore me down until I was weaker than a shadow, broken until I hit the ground and could only look upward. It was because of you that I became nothing, and because of me that I became everything. I took the opportunity to embark upon a journey of self-discovery, answering to nothing but my own beating heart and free will. I shed a thousand skins, going in and out of hatred and love simultaneously. Hot as fire and cold as the night, I became many different versions of myself. I could never have dreaded or dreamed the things I've come across. Life is full of so many curses and so many blessings, to each their own. Signs and stories and years of words unspoken and screamed and I'm still here. I'm still here.

Make A Difference.

All it takes is one sentence, one smile, one word to make somebody's day.

All it takes is one person, one soul to give yours the missing piece.

All it takes is one moment, one instant to change an entire lifetime.

All it takes is you and I and everyone else, to change the world. One person, one smile, and one moment at a time.

If Not Now, Not Ever

To shine, To dim
To rise, To fall
To succeed, To suffer
To love, To lose
To come out, To cower
To listen, To watch
To breathe, To be breathless
To take advantage, To refrain
To remember, To forget
To move forward, To stand still
To feel, To be numb
To build a path, To follow
To become yourself, To become a shadow
To look behind, To look ahead
To live or To simply exist

The entire world is watching.
The entire world is waiting.

Time belongs to only you.

(Don't Cry For Me)

You once were a stranger

            I wished to know.

Now you are a stranger 

           I felt I used to know.

"Kill the things you love", she said, "before they kill you".

What Dreams May Die

you try so hard
to fit the world
in the palm of your hand
now i know what you meant
when you said
"i'd like to change it all someday
we could have everything our way"
as you drifted into sleep
i watched you disappear

so breathe deeply
your heart is heavy
you need me like i need you
if only you could see you
the way that i do
the way that i do

i try so hard
to fit my thoughts
onto a sheet of paper
i don't know what i meant
when i said
"one day i'll pay the bills with this pen
and we'll never be sleepless or hungry again"
as i drifted into the dark
i think i disappeared

i breathe deeply
my heart is heavy
i need you like you need me
if only you could see me
the way that i do
the way that i used to

The Ground Is White

"It's snowing", he said.

I lifted my head, and although my eyes were blurred with sleep, all I could see was a blanket of white. Quiet crystals fell from the sky at a leisurely pace, taking their time to settle into the cold streets. The city was all dressed up in the first snowfall of the year...the rooftops below us, the fire escape, the branches of the trees in Tompkins Square Park. Windows that once reflected morning sunlight were crisp and clear. There was a tranquility in the air that I had never felt before. The only sound I could hear was the gentle hum of January wind. The brightness reflected on my transparent winter skin, as his hand traced my neck he moved down to kiss my bare chest. His palm pressed against my hip bone and his fingertips reached the small of my back. The bed was warm and our bodies radiated enough heat to enjoy the cold wind blowing in from the window.


This is going to be a good year, I thought.

Piece of Mind. Peace of Mind. (III)

Perhaps we can all admit...

That the world is most compelling when we aren't scrutinizing its every turn. That the wisest of words are not always spoken whilst giving advice. That the most precious moments occur when we aren't keeping track of time. That we might learn more from our mistakes than we do from our success. That the past is no longer with us and the future does not quite exist. That losing our way is not as frightening as it may sound. That speaking the truth is much more difficult than telling a lie. That acceptance is far more rewarding than regret. That love is just as strong as hate. That hate is just as weakening as love. That luck can turn around in one single moment. That no one knows you better than you know yourself. That getting what you want depends solely on the fact of how badly you want it. That there is no greater hope than tomorrow, and no greater strength than today. That life is worth both living and dying for.

Peace of Mind I

Peace of Mind II

Yesterday

We were just kids


Compared to who we are now


Young hearts and old souls


Ill-prepared for what stood ahead


But strong enough to bear through


I didn't know much about you 


But your amber eyes told a familiar story


For a brief moment I knew your name


Your troubles buried deep inside


I watched as your long fingers


Danced upon jaded guitar strings


Your olive skin and chocolate brown hair


Glimmered in the warm southern California sun


Where you are now I do not know


From coast to coast I still remember


The summer before my life began


I was lost out in some blinding place


While you were sinking in the dark


I was like a blank canvas


Searching for all of the right answers


In all of the wrong places


While you followed your path


Leading up to the sky


I stayed here on earth


And if we meet again sometime


I'll look at you and smile


They didn't understand


That you were the real thing babe


You were the real thing.

Diary of A Waitress

bankers and lawyers

entrepreneurs and men in finance

all they see is green

green green green

with credit cards

heavier than my breakfast

and weekly bank statements

greater than my yearly wages

all they do is consume

and talk about money 

more money

more more more

i think they live in a different dimension 

in a different world

they see me as as a servant

and not a person 

but that's okay

these men pay my bills

and new york city

has them by the balls

while i am as free as a songbird

About A Girl

She held onto each word she spoke about a second later than most people did. As if you weren't captivated enough by her looks alone, she drew you in without contemplation as to why or how. She gracefully walked down the street at a flowing steady pace, passing you by effortlessly with an eighty-five percent success rate of double takes. Her chocolate brown hair cascaded down her thin back, that you caught yourself wishing you were at the other side of, simply to memorize the bone structure of her youthful and symmetrical face. She made you feel incompetent yet wanted. Beautiful yet plain. At the top of the world yet second place. She was a girl who, on the darkest of days, helped you enjoy the faintest of light...striving for anything that was slightly unattainable. She made you want to expand your vocabulary, give the last of your cash to a beggar, give a lost soul directions to the nearest bar. You could never justify your actions with reason, just on a whim of intuition. You see her every day...reading on the subway, walking past a window, exiting the elevator while you're walking in. You always wonder what your day would have been like had you done these things mere seconds before or after you actually did. As if it was some sort of fate, this stranger crossing your path, inspiring you to do more than you could have ever done consuming the city's best coffee after a full night of sleep. If only you could have prepared yourself for these almost encounters, slipping from your fingertips and all of a sudden becoming lifetimes away.